A prayer for special people

This is something that God has put on my heart and will not leave me alone.

Lord, when we married so many years ago, we had just hopes and dreams. We saw ourselves becoming parents, raising our children together, then spending our golden years pursuing activities that struck our fancy. But that is not how it has turn out, Lord, and it has left me angry and confused. Yes there have been plentous blessings throughout the years, but now illness has robbed me of the spouse I married all those years ago. No longer does she, no longer does he have the same spark in his/her eyes that once was there. There was a time when we talked about all kinds of things, sharing our ideas, energized by the exchanges. But now she/he can only get out a few words and they do not always make sense. WHY LORD? I do not understand this confusing new normal in my life. Why has this person that I once knew so well become a stranger to me? Why does he/she do the things that she/he does, things that he/she cannot explain? I am angry, God, because this was NOT HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE! We were supposed to be enjoying this time together with children grown and grandchildren almost so. But she/he doesn't remember the grandchildren and barely remembers the children who are unable to visit regularly. Our days were supposed to be pleasant not filled with fights about what needs to be done. I thought that once our last child was out of diapers, that would be the end of changing those except if I chose to do so on grand or great-grandchildren. I look in the eyes of the one I love and I see confusion and it leaves me frustrated that I cannot alleviate that confusion for him/her. My brain can understand all the literature about what is happening, but my heart is breaking every day as I watch her/him slowly but surely slip away, knowing that there is nothing I can do to stop it but wanting with all my might that I could. I know our children try to do what they can, but they are the children, not the spouse. I struggle everyday, Lord. I find that I am leaning on You more than ever, yet my heart goes on breaking. I struggle as well, Lord, as my own health is not always the best and there are times when I resent having to deal with her/him. There are times when I just want everything to be less stressful. Yes there are day cares, in home care, family care, etc., but late at night, it is just me an him/her. Bless me please, dearest Father in Heaven. Bless me with patience with the situation in which I now find myself. Bless me with more than enough support and wise counsel to help me. Bless me with open ears, an open mind, and an open heart that I heed the counsel You send me. Bless me with the humility to ask for help when I need it, to accept help that is offered, and to understand that I do not NEED to do it all alone, that I SHOULD NOT do it all alone. Bless me with someone who understands to whom I can speak when things are bad and when things are good so that they may support and celebrate with me. Be with my spouse as well, Lord. In the midst of all the confusion, in the midst of all the forgetting, bless her/him that they will never forget You. Help him/her to always know that You are right there with them at all times. While You are at it, Lord, please bless me with the same. Enfold us both in Your loving arms, calming the storms inside, and filling us to overflowing with Your love and peace which surpasses all human understanding. Thank You God. Thank You for all the years together You have given us. Thank You for loving us no matter what has happened in our lives. Thank You for being there for us each and every day including right now. Thank You for listening. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray. Amen.

Nancy